What is Sensible and What is Tacos
by Roony
Summary: Remus Lupin and Sirius Black having a not-so-quiet night together, Sirius being the cause. You'll see why.


**What is Sensible and What is Tacos**

(author's note: this takes places in an alternate universe were Sirius is still alive and he and his friend, Remus, work at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry)

It started like any other night at Hogwarts: Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, the co-Defense Against the Dark Arts professors, sat together at a table, several candles in dirty holders giving the only light. Also, as it was common most nights at the magic school, the two wizards were surrounded by several bottles that had once held beverages of the alcoholic kind, only one of which belonging to Remus. Sirius, as do most adults his age who have werewolves for friends and pureblooded wizards for relatives, drank now and then. But lately, he had been drowning himself under the table. _This_, NBC and FOX, is what happens when you cancel 'Friends' and insist on running more seasons of 'American Idol'.

Remus tolerated his friend's 'condition' with as much patience as he could muster. Sirius, meanwhile, spoke of the darling children who frolicked about the halls.

"Ya know," Sirius observed with a heavy slur, "Tha' Harry Potter isn't the brightest candle in the box."

Remus frowned. "Sirius, that doesn't make any sense."

A bit of irritation slid into Sirius's tone. "Don't you tell me wha's sensible, and wha's a taco, you _flower_." He continued, "Like I was sayin', tha' 'arry Potter's not the shiniest candle in the forest…" Remus rolled his eyes but said nothing. "Only an idiot would risk his life for so many stupid reasons…"

"He was saving the wizarding world," Remus muttered irritably.

But either Sirius didn't hear him , or chose to ignore him, because then he said, "And don't get me _started_ on the Ron Weasel…Wheezer…Weasley. Wha' kind of _moron _is afraid of spiders? 'e could turn 'em all into lions if 'e wanted!"

"But wouldn't that make things worse?" Remus pointed out.

Sirius blinked and paused, mulling over Lupin's words. Then, with a slap of his hand on the table , he declared: "You're absolutely right! Tha's somethin' 'arry would do!"

Remus shook his head as Sirius went on, "And tha' Hermione! She's got ever boy in this school wrapped around her big toe!"

Remus interjected at this point. "Sirius! Will you just"

"Shut up, wolf-boy!" Sirius snapped. He went on, "And wha's with that _tie?_ She think she's Avril Lavigne of somethin'?"

Remus took a deep breath and said calmly, " Could you _please_ stop talking about my students like that?"

"They aren't your students!" Sirius contradicted, "They're Santa's elves!" Remus sighed. Suddenly, Sirius's face darkened. "Elves. They think they're _so_ superior! With their fancy language and sharp arrows and pointy ears!" Then he looked thoughtful for a moment before saying, "Tha' Arawen's hott, though." But he then added, "But the rest of 'em are all a bunch of poofs!"

Remus stared at his friend for a moment before demanding in a ticked off, confused voice: "WHAT ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT?"

Sirius answered in the same volume, his tone making his reply sound obvious: "RIVENDELL!"

Remus, who had no idea what 'Rivendell' was, asked, "What are you _talking_ about?"

Sirius was annoyed now. "I know exactly what I'm not talking about!"

Remus shook his head. "You're not making any sense!"

"Of course I'm not making jello!"

"What?"

"Who?"

Remus threw back his head and announced to the ceiling: "I give up!"

"That's the spirit, Remus!" Sirius said encouragingly

For the next few minutes, Sirius went on a long speech about how the gerbils were plotting to invade England and take over the Ministry of Magic by some means involving pickles and garden flamingos, and of course it was all some how the elves' fault. Remus took all of this in silence, just trying to keep himself from jinxing Sirius just so he would shut up.

Finally, Sirius _did_ stop talking. Remus almost thought he'd gone deaf. He looked over to see Sirius looking at him, his eyes filled with drunk-influenced emotion. Remus knew that it had been too good to be true.

"You know Remus, I've had a bit of a revelation durin' our little heart-to-heart," Sirius said as he clapped a hand on Lupin's shoulder.

Remus buried his face in his hands. "And what would that be, Sirius?" he asked, dreading the answer.

"I love you, Remus."

There was a pause, but then both wizards were saved from further embarrassment when Sirius promptly fell back in his chair, unconscious. Remus could only hope Sirius could remain in that state…until the next day, which would follow with another night just like this one.

(Author's note: Lupinesa type of flower)

THE END


End file.
